When You Don’t Feel Qualified

I downloaded a running app … again. 

Years ago, I became an accidental runner. We were stationed outside DC, and our friends running a race in the area were short a runner and asked Brent if he would be interested. 

The race was called American Odyssey, a 200-mile relay that began in Gettysburg, PA, and ended in Washington, D.C. Teams consisted of 12 people with two vans, each running three legs for a total of 36. 

We were on the way home from church one Sunday morning as he explained it all to me. He said they would run through the night; I told him it seemed dangerous. He said I didn’t get out of the house enough, and maybe I should be the one to join our friends. 

It was true, I didn’t. 

At the time, we had three young kids, and with military life, I hadn’t established a rhythm of getting away for myself. 

So I agreed and found a running plan. I felt so unqualified and didn’t want to let anyone down. Every other runner on our team was a seasoned runner, most marathoners, some qualifying for the Boston Marathon. 

I trained for weeks.  When the aches began, I wore a special compression knee sleeve and bought an anti-chafing balm. I started to call myself a runner. I hated running, but I loved it, too.

When the weekend of the race came, I ran. I ran through old battlefields, a small town in Maryland, and along the Potomac River. When I crossed the finish line, I knew I wanted to do it again. So when the group told me they were doing a relay race six months later along the Kentucky Bourbon trail, I was in. 

I downloaded a new training program app and volunteered for longer legs. The second race was more fun than the first, so I decided to train for a half marathon the following spring. I finished with a personal record and couldn’t wait to do another. 

But our assignment in Virginia was ending, and a few months later, we were planning a move across the country. A move that wrecked our family in the best way possible. The only kind of training I was doing that season was with a counselor.  

Last month, I downloaded a running app. The calendar holds no race, but I know the gift of stepping outside my comfort zone.

I feel it as my feet hit the pavement. I feel it when I write.

Qualifications, callings, and conversations with God can easily be tangled. 

The way forward becomes more evident when we pull the thread, even if it feels like we took a few steps backward to get there. 

May we begin to see ourselves the way He does.

May we remember we are capable and qualified, even when it feels like we’re starting over.

It’s all part of growing, part of our becoming. Even if it looks like downloading the couch to 5k app when you once ran a half-marathon.