New Year, New Place, Same God
Happy New Year!
It’s been a while since I sent out a newsletter or written a blog post—over a year. I was chalking it up to life—the email that needed to be sent, the text message that needed to be responded to, the load of laundry that I needed to start, and the prescriptions that needed to be picked up—until a friend mentioned an insecurity she noticed in me to share words. It surfaced last year after someone made fun of the way I did so. I’m forty years old and still battling insecurities.
2024 was a weird year—to be honest, so was 2023. The older you get, the more a whole year can feel odd. We moved back to Tucson in 2021. We considered it home even after years of military life and that one time we took a step of faith and moved somewhere new without orders, but it became clear it no longer was. Everything felt different, felt tangled.
Street corners and red lights when you find yourself looking for a loved one who is homeless.
Sunday mornings when you’re no longer plugged into a church.
Writing when the words you hoped would encourage are used against you.
Relationships when you realize some of them will never look how you had hoped.
Ministry when you no longer have a role.
Gatherings when you’re surrounded yet alone.
“Home” when what once was no longer is.
We began 2024 hoping to move to Tennessee in late spring but decided that wasn’t the right move. We thought we would be stuck somewhere we didn’t want to be until our oldest graduated high school. In the fall, over the kids’ break, we took the family to Texas. The trip was twofold. We wanted to take a family vacation and visit a place we might like to live one day.
We liked the area and decided to take steps to move unless a roadblock occurred. Two months later, we had sold our house in Arizona and had keys to our new one in Texas. It’s been a whirlwind, to say the least.
When we arrived in Texas in early December, our new street was lined with trees still covered with leaves and fall colors. Within days, as I watched the branches become bare, I was reminded of a new season and the new chapter we had longed for, and it felt like a gift.
I’m always surprised by God’s timing. You would think that after experiencing it in our adoption with our youngest and bringing him home, I wouldn’t be, but I guess that’s our nature as humans. We forget the goodness of God and His details despite experiencing them firsthand.
While I’m grateful we are here, our longings don’t always align with those closest to us, and this move has been hard on some of the kids. I’m hopeful they will experience everything we had wished for our family when wanting to move, but I’m learning to accept that even if they don’t, it doesn’t mean this move was the “wrong” choice.
If 2024 taught me anything, it was about all the areas I let insecurities creep in: sharing words, relationships, decision-making, parenting, and even my capacity to be the wife and mom my people need. While I love a new year and a fresh start, I’m beginning to care less about goals specific to the year and more about the person I’m becoming.
Whether this year brings insecurities, longings, hurt, change, gratitude, or rejoicing, my goal is to rest in the One who feels steady when I feel anything but.
Happy New Year, Friends.
